I am still in search of a saddle pad that does what it is suppose to do...I have seen very little of it. I am so ugh feeling about it now. I wanted to be all consumed by my passion, and it did until I figured out that AHAAHAHA it is futile. I would love to be able to do this for a job but good night. Can I do it? NO! I have to keep trudging along. What a crazy ride I have chosen.

Well ok getting back to riding. I have been riding almost twice a week, that is until last week and I didn't ride at all. I didn't feel well and it spilled over into everything. I can't explain it. I seem to be in a state. I finally watched my DVD's again last night, and promptly got a headache. Could it be fear? I seem to be having similar symptoms today. I think I need to feel the fear and do it anyway. Even though I am not suppose to do that. What else can I do? I know its psychosematic. Its just feelings you get to stop you from doing something that scares you to death. But I thought I was past that. Well at least I am moving that way. Past it. I don't have fear of mounting or saddle rolling or anything like that, but I still have trouble with wind and with other horses. I guess its just me. I know its me. My horse isn't the problem. I just have to feel the fear and do it until I can feel safe. Whatever it maybe I have to just do it...I'll let you know how that goes. And I contacted Sharon the other night to be able to finish my Level 1 test. I told her if I had to keep working on it that would be fine, but I needed some guidance as to what else to do with the tape. Can you imagine me finished with Level 1. I would die. I would smile all over myself. I would feel accomplished. That would be the hardest thing I could do. I would feel so much more than I am. I would feel like YeaH I CAN DO THAT. Just ya'll wait. I am going to make it...you can just get out of my way....so I'll also update you on that...I'm off to play with my horse...I am so excited. I feel so much better now. Thanks.